Every family has their share of vacation blunders. We decided ours deserved a proper ceremony. Welcome to the first-ever Golden Banana Awards, honoring the finest achievements in questionable decision-making from our latest Disney trip. There is no trophy. There is only shame, and this blog post.

Best Supporting Sunburn

This category was fiercely contested, but the winner goes to my husband, who applied sunscreen everywhere except a perfect two-inch strip directly across his forehead. For the rest of the trip he looked like he’d been branded by a very precise, very sunny cattle iron. The stripe has since become a minor local legend among our extended family group chat.

Most Ambitious Packing Failure

Awarded to me, for packing exactly zero pairs of actual walking shoes for a seven-day theme park vacation. I brought sandals. Cute sandals. Sandals with absolutely no business surviving twenty thousand daily steps. By day three my feet had filed a formal complaint with my brain, and I purchased my “official” walking shoes from a gift shop, at gift shop prices, next to a rack of stuffed Stitch dolls.

Best Directorial Debut (Getting Us Lost)

This trophy goes to our GPS, which confidently rerouted us through what appeared to be someone’s actual driveway on the way to the resort. Twice. We waved at the same confused homeowner both times. I like to think we’re friends now.

Lifetime Achievement in Snack Regret

Presented to my youngest, who insisted on a giant turkey leg the size of her own torso, ate approximately four bites, and then asked to be carried for the rest of the afternoon while I carried both her and the leftover turkey leg like some kind of medieval feast-themed backpack.

Best Ensemble Meltdown

A tie between all four of us, for the coordinated, simultaneous 4pm heat-and-hunger meltdown that occurred directly in front of Cinderella Castle, in full view of several hundred strangers’ vacation photos. Somewhere out there, someone’s family album includes our family’s absolute lowest moment, gloriously photobombed, forever.

Honorable Mentions

• Best Cameo by a Stranger’s Child: Awarded to the toddler who joined our family photo uninvited and, frankly, improved it.
• Most Optimistic Budgeting: Given to whoever said “we’ll just get one souvenir each” on day one, a promise abandoned entirely by day two.
• Best Use of a Poncho as a Bib: A surprisingly effective last-minute parenting improvisation during a rain shower and a leaking snow cone simultaneously.

Nomination Criteria for Next Year

We’ve already started a running list of contenders for next year’s ceremony, because apparently our family generates award-worthy chaos on every single trip. Categories under consideration include Best Unplanned Detour, Most Creative Excuse for Buying a Third Stuffed Animal, and Longest Time Spent Arguing About Whether We’re Lost.

And the Golden Banana Goes To…

All of us. Every single one of us. We are a family of chaos, sunburn stripes, and improvised gift-shop footwear, and honestly? We’d do it exactly the same way again next year.

What would win the Golden Banana Award on your last vacation? Nominate your own family disasters in the comments!